THE BULLY-VICTIM GAME


The abuse we are all experiencing amounts to bullying behaviour. The way in which bullies operate is well attested in the workplace, in the home, and in society at large.

With no instinct for or interest in goodness and decency, in ethical behaviour, but only the desire to win by making others lose, with the primate instinct for jockeying for position in the hierarchy of the group, the bully uses others for power games and personal gain.

Far from random, the actions of a bully are strategies to ensure domination and control by the hurting and humiliation of the victim. These actions are not haphazard, but take place in a structured manner over a period of time in order to create a relationship of controller and controlled, and take predictable forms.

The first thing a bully does is set up the bully-victim relationship. This requires a confrontational situation in which the possibility of winning or losing arises. In daily life this takes the form of introducing games-playing where this is unnecessary, creating a winner-loser game where there was none before.

This game having been created, the bully now has to press the advantage and win. Of course, the intended victim has no desire to play this game, and is simply trying to get on with a normal life.

How, then, to win? The answer tells us a lot about bully psychology and its effect on other people’s lives. The bully wins by making the other person lose. In other words, there doesn’t need to be any specific goal or target in their own life the bully must achieve before winning; simply by interacting in a manner in which the other person loses out in some way in their life creates a win in the bully’s mind.

This is seen very often in relationships in the workplace and in the home, in which the constant putting the other person down, humiliating them, blocking their development and success, publicly upsetting them, and frustrating their wishes and desires, enable the bully to constantly feel like a winner in this game they have created. This is often seen in unhappy marriages, for example.

Setting up the bully game, establishing an abusive relationship with the victim, and then increasing the level of abuse for the sake of enjoyment of more and greater levels of winning, can only succeed if the other person accepts the victim role in the relationship. Of course, very often people have no choice, and are powerless to resist. But for those who do resist, who try to expose the bully and remove the game from their lives – not hurting the abuser back, merely stopping the abuse and showing everyone what’s been happening so as to prevent it happening again – for these, a further, nastier game will be set up: the punishment game.

In this, the intended victim is punished for not having accepted the game and the victim role. This can be sudden and savage – a humiliating sacking on trumped-up charges of unprofessional behaviour, for example, if the employee tries to expose a bully manager’s unprofessionally abusive actions.

The existence and threat of the punishment game is there to scare the victim – and the victim’s potential supporters – away from trying to fight back, to “stand up to the bully”, as people are so often encouraged to do but without enough understanding of how dangerous this can be. The possibility that the victim might have supporters who can help and who can make the bully lose is something that is of concern to the abuser, and this is where an interesting piece of cruelty can be of use.

This involves ensuring that the victim is believed to be an abusive person by those around, so that those who could help end up disliking the victim instead, and taking the bully’s part. To make this particularly upsetting for the victim, and thus an important win for the bully in the relationship, the victim is slandered with accusations of the very abuse that the bully is doing.

The establishment of the bully game in the first place requires, of course, that the bully then wins. Forcing the victim to play an unwanted game that they then lose is part of the cruelty. Should the victim play the game back, and try to force the bully to lose the game on their own terms, then the response is savagery. It is observed that abusers respond with outraged fury should a victim or potential victim ever try to do to them what they are themselves doing all the time.

Whatever transpires once the bully game is set up, the abuser must never back down. This would come across as a sign of weakness – come across as such to the bully, that is, who is operating on different criteria to those of other people. Changing your mind after discussion, being prepared to compromise, are sociable ideas that have no place in bully psychology: the game is to win, by making the victim lose, and backing down at all even slightly is a win for the victim, which would be intolerable

With no caring or sharing, no community or friendship, no help for the needy, but always looking after number one, bullies revel in scared obedience while becoming enraged at the idea of obeying the rules themselves. But they hold out the temptation that if you’re loyal to the group, keep your head down, and play the game, maybe one day you can become a successful big bully yourself.

This bully psychology has taken over as the social norm in our land, and the nasty effects of a bullying country are seen in every part of our lives. Games are being played with the country for the enjoyment of those in positions of power, and some of them are very cruel indeed.

The desperately poor benefits claimants, who are forced onto the bottom rung of society where life is very shabby indeed, are mocked and insulted with criminally libellous allegations of fraud by the government, both in parliament and via the controlled propaganda outlets that pretend to be newspapers. One local council has even suggested removing benefits from people who are overweight, just as a bully game to play with the unhappy and unwell. But of course benefits claimants are not frauds and scroungers, they are the victims of nearly forty years of the deliberate destruction of society.

Mrs Thatcher famously said at a Conservative Party Conference in the 1980s that ‘this lady’s not for turning’. Doing a U-turn on policy was something she would never do. What she meant was that whatever she had originally said she would do, even if everyone hated the idea. She would force it through as a matter of personal self-image and need to be respected as a strong leader, irrespective of whether or not what she was doing was incredibly harmful to the whole nation. No, she would not back down, admit that she’d ever been wrong, or show any signs of weakness. She was in power, and the point of that was to look powerful because you’re the leader.

This is a hallmark of the abusive personality. You make people do what you want, you don’t weakly do what they want. That would mean they are winning and you are losing, which would be intolerable. Going against the wishes of the whole country in order to be the winner in a power game between nation and ruler was essentially Mrs Thatcher’s only policy (apart from the overall ‘policy’ of the destruction of society so that it can be pillaged). This power game played out over and over again in confrontations with the people of Britain – during the imposition of the Poll Tax, for example.

Tony Blair behaved in exactly the same way, particularly when it became clear that the vast majority opposed the war crime of the invasion of Iraq. The million-strong anti-war march in London was for Blair a confrontation in a power game that he had to win. There was never any possibility of changing his mind and getting him to behave according to the will of the people, because if the people disagreed with him, then that set up a power game between them and him which he had to win.

If you are needy, and want someone to help you, then a bully will always recognise this as the sign of a potential victim, and start sniggering as they begin to hurt you. David Cameron received letters from desperate families, pleading with him to use his power to help alleviate their suffering. This is what bullies want from their victims – pleading. What they then do is turn the screw, and this is what Cameron did to the poor of Britain, and Theresa May plans to behave in an even worse manner. It isn’t policy, it’s a bully-victim game. David Cameron’s ‘austerity cuts’ have been a deliberate act of mass child abuse against the poor children of Britain, done for the enjoyment of cruelty.

And should you ever protest and try to fight all this, then the punishment game will be savage. Bradley Manning’s treatment by Barack Obama was evil; punishment games are played to a lesser degree on protesters on the streets of Britain, while Muslims who oppose the British government because it commits crimes against humanity in Muslim parts of the world are punished in a manner that has nothing to do with justice, and everything to do with the bully game (such as holding people without trial for seven years, which is illegal and serious abuse).

It is important therefore that we understand that what’s going on in Britain is a bully-victim game. Once we realise that we are up against people with abusive personalities, we can see that pleading with them to behave isn’t going to work. We need to remove them ourselves, and replace them with our representatives that we have chosen because they are decent, professional people who will manage our children’s futures for the happiness of our children. You don’t negotiate with the abusers of your children. You stamp out their abuse, and get them out of your life, ensuring that they are arrested, tried and imprisoned.